Loving my Baby, Hating my Skin Cancer

I definitely have a lot to talk about. This may be a little long. The past few months have been amazingly joyful but also I've had a few days of terror. First let me tell you how much I love being a mom. I love waking up to Trey happily talking to himself in the morning. By far the best alarm clock ever invented.. He's such a happy baby these days. His chubby cheeks and little giggles are just too cute to handle! I'm so happy that so far I've been able to be home with him and watch him learn new things every day. I love him more then words can express. That's why when I found out I had melanoma skin cancer, Trey was the first thing that came to my mind.

Sometime between a year and two years ago on a drive home from the gym Kade noticed a dark mole on my thigh. He said, "Is that thing new? It's pretty ugly looking. I think you better get that checked out." I thought to myself "Oh yeah right I've got lots of moles I'm sure that ones been there a while." After all I'm young, skin cancer is something you worry about when  you are your moms age. That's when I'll start wearing goofy hats and staying out of the sun. Not right now while I'm living in tan city St. George in my young adulthood! Over the next year, along with more concerned comments from Kade I noticed that maybe the mole was starting to change. I thought, "I'll get it checked out after I'm done being pregnant."

 So at the beginning of the summer I asked my sister Renee for the phone number to her dermatologist and made an appointment. He was so booked out that I had to wait all summer for my appointment at the end of August. I kept inspecting it was getting a little worried about the noticeable change it was having. At the appointment the nurse practitioner said it looked worrisome and scraped it off as well as two others. They said the biopsy results would take about two weeks to get back. So I went on with life thinking, "I'm sure it's no big deal. Hopefully." They finally called on a Friday morning, but since I rarely receive phone calls these day I didn't have my phone close by me and missed it. So I enjoyed a nice weekend in Logan with Kade's family and anticipated calling first thing Monday morning. I was totally unprepared for the news on the other end. The nurse practitioner said that two of the moles were precancerous and needed to be removed. I thought it was no big deal and was getting ready to wrap up and hang up the phone. Then she said, "And the worst news is, that the one on your leg is melanoma. (silence) So we're gonna need to schedule surgery to get that removed as soon as possible. (silence) Do you know what melanoma is? It's the worst form of skin cancer." I got the largest frog in my throat and could only choke out "Ok." Luckily we were able to schedule the surgery for the next morning.

After I got off the phone my eyes immediately went to Trey playing so blissfully unaware on the floor with his brightly colored toys. My eyes welled up with tears and I thought "I don't want to die. I want to be Trey's mom." The nurse had given my no indication of how serious it was and I immediately thought the worst. How could this be? I'm so young. I just had a baby. How could I have skin cancer and possibly die from this at such a young age? I was absolutely devastated. It was by far the worst day of my life. I'm so used to people helping me out with my problems, but this was something I knew no one could just fix for me. No matter how much I wanted Kade or my mom to make it just go away, I knew there was a possibility this was deadly serious. I cried all day and cuddled with Trey hoping his smile could ease the pain I felt in my heart for the fear of losing my earthly time with him. That night Kade gave me a blessing and I felt at peace knowing that it was in the Lord's hands now.

The next morning Kade, Trey and I went to the doctor's office hoping for the best news possible. And fortunately that's what I heard. The doctor informed me that biopsy indicated that the melanoma was at the earliest stage possible, stage 0. And that the surgery would most likely be able to get all of the melanoma out.  He said, "If you have melanoma, this is the melanoma to have." I went home with 8 stitches and a newer, brighter outlook on life. Why have I been taking life for granted? Expecting to wake up every morning like its just a given. Every day that God gives us is a gift to be with our friends and family. And although I'm not terrified of dying, I am scared of taking for granted all the joys this life has to give. I'm more scared of forgetting God's blessings for me.

Yesterday morning I learned that the biopsy from the surgery indicated that they were able to remove all of the melanoma from my body. I feel such joy knowing that I don't have to worry how many days are numbered of being with my husband and baby.

From this experience I have learned many things. It's not worth it to have a golden tan. It may look good for a few days, but that is irrelevant if you don't have your life anymore. From now on I need to focus on my inside more than my outside. I hope I am able to remember this great lesson and forget not the tender mercies of the Lord. I'm gonna have a long life of getting moles checked and biopsied, because the chances of getting melanoma again are a bit high for me. But, right now I can rejoice in the beautiful world and love all around me.


Take a lesson from Trey. Life is about being happy!